Tag: #oneword2014

Snark is my sugar

Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. As a Catholic Christian, Lent is an important time for me. It is a 40 day journey (47 if you count weekend days) toward Easter. It is a time to pray better, reflect more, and strive to end the journey different than when I started. I hope to have a stronger relationship with Christ as a result of this Lenten journey. I hope to have a stronger relationship with myself as a result of this Lenten journey.

Every year I start Lent with great enthusiasm. I actually love Ash Wednesday. I love getting ashes. I love that the ashes come from burning the palms used  on Palm Sunday the  previous year. The cyclical nature of the Church’s seasons is very comforting to me. Catholics also do symbols really well. I love the symbolism of the ashes- “remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.”

In my circles (very small ones on Twitter and Facebook), there is talk about “what did you give up for Lent?” There are many great responses- eating out, cursing, sweets, caffeine, Facebook, sugar. I decided a few days ago that I was going to take a huge personal risk (Risk is my #oneword2014) and give up public postings of snark. For 47 days, I will try to make all of my public posts, wall comments, and tweets positive. I will not post sarcastic, snarky things in response to what I read.

This is a huge deal for me. Snark is my sugar. I love snark. I am addicted to snark. Snark is hard to resist. It feels so good going down.

I use snark to be funny and self-deprecating, to put others at ease, to feel smart. I used to think that my snark was justified because I am from the east coast, smart, and been through more than most of my peers. While these things may be true in my head, they do not matter to the outside world.

Several people whom I know and love have told me that I am direct. I thought this was a good thing. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. What you see is what you get. These are good things. In context. With people who know and love me and whom I know and love. Snark is not a good thing without the context of relationship.

I am slowly learning that snark is my shield, my armor, my way to strike first. It also creates distance. It puts the receiver on the defensive, or leaves them confused. That is the opposite of the impact that I want to have. This is the opposite of the impact that I do have with the students, colleagues, and friends who know me well.

Snark is my sugar. It is so, so good going down. But after a bit, the sugar high wears off and I get a headache.

So, this Lent, I am going to try really hard to give up snark. I am going to be honest and positive, not direct and snarky. I am going to challenge myself to start, endure, and finish Lent strong. I am taking a huge risk by doing this and by telling you all about it. I welcome and appreciate your love, prayers, and words of encouragement.

 

 

 

Big enough dreams: Part 2

“Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.”

Well, I got what I wished for…I was accepted to the Listen to Your Mother Metro Detroit show! You can see the official cast announcement here.

Holy buckets! I am so nervous I might barf. I am so excited I can’t sit still. It is an honor to be chosen from among the almost 50 women who auditioned. It is a great privilege to be able to share our journey through #childhoodcancer and how it has influenced how I think of myself as a mother.

When I told S the good news, I said “I think I am becoming a writer.” He said, “You have always been a writer. Now, you are writing.”

Gulp.

Big enough dreams

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.”

This quote (not sure who originally said it, I have seen it so many times) inspired my #oneword2014 choice of “risk.” My goal this year is to push myself out of my comfort zone and not just talk about taking risks but to actually take them.

I took a huge risk today. I am auditioning for the Listen to Your Mother Detroit show. I think I might throw up. I am so nervous. I am nervous that I will not get chosen and then I will come back here and tell everyone. I am nervous that I will get chosen and then I will have to stand up in front of an auditorium full of people and read my writing. Somehow posting on the inter-webs feels safer than a face-to-face reading.

So, the fact that I am terrified tells me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

My audition is February 1. Prayers, good thoughts, juju whatever are totally welcomed and appreciated.

Prime real estate

Happy New Year!

I have spent much of today cleaning up. I haven’t done a full on scrubbing, yet, but when we left for our trek to the motherland (NJ), we left our house a mess. There was still wrapping paper all over the living room floor, clean laundry that needed to be folded, dishes to put away, etc. etc. So, today has been pick up everything I see and put it back in it’s place day. Do more laundry (how many pairs of socks do boys wear on vacation? Yeesh!), run the dishwasher.

As I have been picking up things and putting them somewhere else, I have thought a lot about space. There were some really odd things taking up prime real estate in our house. Baseball gloves that came in from the garage so they don’t crack over the winter but that never made it into the basement. Three pairs of shoes in the mudroom, right in front of the door (of course). A huge rock that my sons painted and gave to us as a doorstop. While a thoughtful gift that I am sure I will save until I die and they get it back, it doesn’t really need to be in the bottom of my closet taking up space. I put it in the attic. So, yeah, it’s still taking up space, but at least I won’t trip over it every day. And now the three pairs of shoes that were in the mud room (which is really too small and clearly not designed by anyone with small children and hats and coats and winter boots) are in my closet.

I love cleaning up. I get unnaturally happy when I do it. It’s like a clean slate. Or that feeling right after I brush my teeth in the morning and everything tastes fresh and cool.

One of my goals for 2014 is to not let things occupy prime real estate in my head or my heart. There are things I need to let go of. They are standing in the way of growth and productivity.

Risk is my #oneword2014. I hope to take some big risks this year. For me, letting go of things is a big risk. Letting go is not something that comes naturally or easy to me.

Risk=reward, right?